My Dads policy...go big or go home.

My dad is an Amazing amazing man. He is young men's president in his ward right now. He truly always tries to do his best at everything and give it his all. He's latest project was teaching the boys to build a boat. 

These are the boats they've built. They went up to Steinaker tonight to try them out. My dad sent me this picture of his truck all loaded with the boats. I love and admire my dad so much. I hope to be like him one day with my righteousness ambitions. 

Flowers for Mommy

This morning Spencer was at school, I was cleaning the house, and the younger 3 wanted to go play in the backyard. They kept coming in and bringing me flowers. Truly so sweet of them.  I looked out the window and saw this. It was so sweet I had to go take a picture. 

Here's the girls posing with the flowers. 

I wanted a picture of the flowers close up to show how pretty they were. Before I'd started taking the picture Addi also mentioned I should get on of the flowers. 

 So grateful for my babies and how sweet and thoughtful they are. They truly make my day each day. Even the days when I've been up since 3 a.m. Because of them. They're still wonderful and are what keeps me going each day especially my exhausted days when I just want a nap. 

Chinese jumprope

The kids and I went to Dominic's soccer game tonight. I took a Chinese jumprope with us that we got in the mail today. The kids had never seen one before, but they had a great time with it tonight. 

Maloree also got an owie on her nose today. Minuscule as it was she needed a band-aid and it was instantly better. 

Always wondering...

I think I spend a lot of my time wondering if I am doing the right thing for my children. I think this is normal for a parent, still very frustrating and not encouraging, but common. 

Last night we went to Carl's parents house for Foley family FHE. The kids weren't happy when we told them we had to go.  It was a school night though so we left around 7, a little later then I had hoped to leave. (I like to be starting the bedtime routine by 7 at the latest.) 

After we got home and I was in the girls room putting them to bed Addi says, "Mom, I know why your mean to us when you are." I was suddenly very curious and wondering what her mind had determined. I was sure it was something about me just being a mean mom. 

She completely surprised me though. When I asked "why is it?"  She replied "because you just want what's best for us. You want us to be happy and healthy." She is only 5, yet seems to have such a deep understanding at times. I know when I was 5 my mind was not thinking anywhere near as deep as hers does. 

I know it sounds so stupid but it truly made me so happy to hear this. I thought, "maybe what I'm trying so hard to do everyday really is starting to work. Maybe I'm doing okay." 

Being a mom truly is the hardest thing I've EVER done.  I'm so grateful for the opportunity I have to be a Mommy to these amazing little spirits. It truly baffles me each day why our all wise Father in Heaven entrusted them to me, but I am forever thankful that he did. 

This morning I woke up feeling uneasy about my day as I was saying my morning prayers. Each morning when I pray I ask to know what the most important thing is I need to do that day. This morning I couldn't get a clear answer on that and just felt uneasy about my families well being. Because of this I started to worry that today would be the day that my little world would fall apart. I was worried one of my babies would die. Something would happy to my amazing husband. I couldn't figure it out, I was just uneasy. I prayed to God to give me the strength and faith to do whatever would be required of me this day. 

I went into the boys room. They were both still alive and breathing fine. I went into the girls room. They were both alive and breathing fine. Carl was still alive and snoring quite contentedly. Everything so far was fine and normal. Because of my uneasy feeling I decided to stay home from the gym and do the elliptical in the basement. I felt like if I went to the gym and something went wrong at home I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for being so selfish and going to the gym. 

Everything was fine all morning. Spencer has had a really hard time going to school since spring break. Usually he cries a little or a lot about it each morning. I usually hold it together until he's out of the car and then I let the tears fall. I HATE sending them to school crying. Especially when they're truly sad or nervous. It's not a for crying. Just sad. I know he needs to go though and each day after school he says it was a good day. He truly just misses home and wants to stay home. 

Since this has started happening He and I say a prayer together each morning. With him in my arms we pray for his day at school. Keep him safe. Help him follow the spirit. Let him feel our love for him. Let him feel God's love for him. Let me know what to do to help him. Let me feel and follow the Promptings of the spirit to help him. Etc. 

We did all this today like usual. He went to school. I teared up a little like usual and the day went on. 

All day in my mind though I was second guessing used. Had I done the right thing? Was he really going to be okay at school today? If something happened to him could I ever forgiven myself for being wrong? So many questions with no answered. I just kept praying. I felt peace, but confusion also. I had to keep reminding myself confusion and fear come from satan, not God. God gives us peace and strength. 

Then Addi didn't want to go today, she's PM kindergarten. It was the same thing all over again. Now I was really second guessing myself. Yet, I felt peace and made her go. 

Because of my uneasy feelings today I didn't do the errands I was going to do, just in case. I stayed home other then the necessary school runs.  I'm not sure that I've ever been so relieved to see both off children after school. I'm always excited to see them, but today it was complete relief with it. I still had a million questions going through my mind about if I was doing all the right things for them, but the school dilemma was over. They both were completely happy and said they'd had great days. When we got home I talked to each of them quietly and alone to confirm everything really was okay at school. They were fine and happy. Both back home safely with me. 

At the end of the day my family is now all home in their beds and safe. Carl is snoring by my side. All is right in my world. I have no clue why I had such an uneasy feeling about today, but I know I am so thankful we have a loving Father in Heaven who hears our prayers. Each and every prayer. I'm so grateful to know that I truly can have the Holy Ghost as my constant companion to lead me each day in my decisions. I'm grateful for eternal families and temples. I know no matter what life brings me I can get through it with God's help and guidance. 

So as I go through my journey of motherhood constantly doubting myself, my decisions, and my abilities; I'm so grateful to know that at least I've got God on my side. He gave me these precious amazing spirits to bless my life and home, and I find constant comfort in knowing both God and I just want what's best for them. So as I live each day second guessing myself I find comfort in knowing I can always pray for help and guidance.  Anytime. Anywhere. 

I'm sure I'll always doubt my abilities and actions as a mother, even when they're all moved away. But today and each day I have with them I will give it my all. 

Pilot

Spencer has become obsessed with Papa Swain's flight simulator game. He also quite enjoys getting a leg massage while he plays it. 

We went to my parents house a few times this past weekend to see cousins. He spent most of his time in flying airplanes and getting a leg massage. Cousins were in there with him a lot of the time, but even when they left he still wanted to play. And since I was having an "I don't care today" day, I let him play it way too much. 

Getting ready for church...

First...

Next...

 

After that...

In conclusion...

Before church this morning these three felt the need to have a little wrestling match. It really was pretty cute. 

Getting ready for church really can be crazy, okay, it's always at least a little crazy. But, if I can just stay relaxed and enjoy my children they really do make me laugh, smile, and enjoy life so much more!  I truly am so thankful for them, each and every one of them. I love each of their different personalities and what it brings to our family. 

Elsa towel

Mals wanted her Elsa towel that her Aunt Emily made her after she got out of the shower today. I wrapped it around her and she informed me I needed to use Elsa's long braid to keep the towel wrapped around her. She had the braid wrapped around the towel for me, I just had to tuck it into itself. I must say I was quite impressed with the way her little 3 year old mind works. 

This towel may prove itself to be quite handy, since she hates to be dried off after the shower. She prefers to have a towel wrapped around her and then she likes to sit and air dry. 

Kiss and make up...

Spencer and Addi were fighting on the way to their grandmas tonight. After they sat in time out for a while they had to apologize and hug each other. They really were so cute and sweet hugging each other. I'm so grateful for my babies! They truly are wonderful. 

A few of Maloree's favorite things...

She is obsessed with licking.ostly anything that is part of me...my clothes, hair, arms, face, etc.  It's really quite disgusting, she's lucky she's so cute. 

Tuesday. Not sure why, but her favorite day is Tuesday's and she wants everyday to be a Tuesday. Yesterday she asked what day it was. I told her Saturday and she started crying and saying "No, I want it to be Tiesday. I hate Saturday's!"

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Mittens to slow him down...

This morning while I was doing some of the morning chores Collier went and locked himself in my bedroom to raise a little havoc. When I went to let him out I found him trying to get these mittens on himself. 

I helped him get them on, which can he was quite happy about. He continued to wear them around the rest of the morning. While I was unloading the dishwasher, he came to "help", like he always does. As he was helping I realized I really liked him wearing the mittens...it really slowed him down on his tearing everything out of the dishwasher. 

I think I might need to put mittens on him everyday. Carl says to put mittens, snow pants, and snow boots on him then strap him in a stroller and I'd be set. 

The thought is quite tempting but then I'd have to listen to him scream because he hates being confined. 

Even though he turns the whole house upside down at least once a day I am absolutely crazy about this little man!!! His personality is really coming out a lot more lately and I'm loving watching it and listening to all the new words he's learning. Love these kiddos and how entertaining they make my life. 

Spring fever!!!

I have spring fever worse now then I ever did when I was in school-at least then I ever remember having it!  I am truly so sick of sending the kids to school everyday. I can't wait until summer!  I'm so excited to get to keep them home with me each day. To have time to actually do something with them other then get ready for school, take them to school, pick them up from school, homework, dinner, and then bed. It feels like that's all we do and it's really starting to wear on us all. Especially poor Spencer. 

Going to school for the whole day has been an adjustment for him. He's also my home body. He loves to stay home! He cries a little each morning about going to school, and after I drop him off I usually shed a few tears of my own. We officially have 4 weeks and 2 days left and it can't come fast enough!!!

I took these pictures of Spencer last night after he lost his second tooth. He is so sweet and such a wonderful boy.  Lately he has really started acting his roll as the big brother and I'm loving watching him grow into it. He truly has acted the big brother roll for the girls for a while now. But the brotherly bond between he and Collier is really starting to show now and I'm truly loving watching them develop that special relationship. Collier is sure he's as big and Spencer (and anyone else) and tries to do whatever they do. Succeeding a good amount of the time; he really is a very capable 1 year old. I'm so grateful our Father in Heaven saw fit to bless my life with these 2 amazing boys. 

Collier with his hat at Sportsmans tonight. He's in his turtle PJ's that he loves. He had a blow out after dinner that was bad enough I just took him to the bath. Where he pooped again...I love kids! 

Collier very happily checking out how much chocolate milk I have him in his cup for dinner. (He usually only gets a little at a time. I was trying to get rid of the milk and didn't realize how much was left)

Now he's very happy and satisfied with his milk. His milk is a physical affirmation of what he already firmly believes...he's just as big and as capable as everyone else in this house!

Collier woke up from his nap late today. When he woke up the older two were home from school. I was getting an early dinner ready for them so Addi volunteered to go get him out of his crib. She came back a while later saying, "he wants you Spencer, he wouldn't let me get him out".  It made me laugh because he does the same thing to me in the mornings; he always wants Carl to get him out. 

Sure enough Spencer went back and before long both of the boys were coming down the hall. More and more I'm realizing how much Collier prefers men to women. 

Addi works hard to watch the youngers (this is what we refer to Maloree and Collier as lately) when asked. She also wants to help with cooking a lot more lately. She will pick helping with meal prep over plying babies with Maloree a lot lately. This doesn't make Maloree very happy and Addi will usually quickly sooth Mals by telling her she'll come play babies soon. 

Even though Addi wants to keep helping cook she'll usually leave before she's finished helping me to go play with Maloree and make Mals happy. I love to watch their relationship develop lately also. They truly do play together so well and are so fun to watch. I often get asked to babysit for them when they are playing house. 

One time while playing house Addi told Maloree she would watch her baby for her if Maloree would go find Addi's baby for her. Maloree was trusting enough to leave her baby with Addi, I chalked that up to 3 year old innocence. Another time Addi told Maloree while she was babysitting for Mals that Maloree's baby had gotten run over because it was playing in the road. 

Thankful Addi is a much more responsible sister/person in real life then when she's playing babies with Mals. She truly is so helpful and amazing. I'm so grateful for her and all the love and tenderness she brings intoy everyday life. I love how she can be so mad at me bs within, literally 2 seconds, be apologizing to me and telling me how much she loves me. 

She truly is amazing and I'm so grateful Heavenly Father allowed me to be her mommy. This is her posing by he elk outside Sportmans tonight. (She's quite the little poser)

The girls together petting the elk. I love these two little angels.  I love watching them be sisters, it's truly such a special relationship. I'm so grateful for all the love and forgiveness they give me each day. 

I love my babies!!! Life is wonderful!!! So hard at times, but wonderful all the time if I just allow myself to see it. Our Father in Heaven truly is such a loving gracious Father. I'm so grateful for all of the tender mercies and blessing he gives me daily. I'm so grateful for the opportunity He has given me to live this dream. I have 4 beautiful wonderful babies and a husband more amazing then I would have dared to dream of. Life is wonderful, thanks to a loving amazing Father in Heaven. 

When Maloree grows up...

Today As Maloree was "doing my hair" I asked her what she wants to be when she grows up. She told me she wants to "work in a restaurant." Then she got more specific and said she wants work at the McDonald's here and give me some food...

I love this little girl so much!!! I'm so grateful for all the love, happiness, laughter, snuggles, and understanding she brings into my everyday. 

These pictures are of her trying on hats at Sportsmans Warehouse tonight.